Dear FFN People,
by NoName-chan
Summary: Have you ever wondered what the cast of DGM think about your FanFictions? Do they love them? Hate them? Have any concerns about them at all? Well, now you can find out! Here is a collection of letters telling the DGM characters' thoughts to you ! REQUESTED BY lala32903 (WARNING: CRACK. This is HUMOR. Don't take it too much to heart. OOCness as well 'cause it's Crack.)


**NoName-chan: Hello, my lovelies~! I'm ba~ck!  
Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Tyki: *point at me violently* KILL IT WITH FIRE!**  
**NoName-chan: I'm feeling the love already~!  
Lenalee: *Reads Chapter* ... NoName-chan, why in the hell are you starting a new story? -.-;;;  
NoName-chan: What do you mean~?  
Lenalee: Well, for one thing, YOU HAVE 12 FRIKIN' STORIES TO UPDATE!  
NoName-chan: *looks at the angry mob of fangirls outside my window* Oh yeah... Well, about that... Due to lack of inspiration, I haven't really been working on a lot of my stories. The only one I HAVE been working on D Gray-Show (Btw, that should be updated soon, just not in the way you think~). This is partially because of Writer's Block, partially because I'm lazy, partially because I'm distracted by my FFN Facebook Chat (I'll explain later), and partially because I'm working on other stuff.  
Elvira Rayne: *Appears out of nowhere in a cloud of glitter and Tease to glare at me* This is YOUR fault -_-  
Allen, Lavi, Kanda: *Stare at Vira* Where did she come from? 0.0  
NoName-chan: *shrugs* Who knows.  
Vira: *winks at them* Magic~  
Lenalee: NoName-chan, you still haven't explained what's going on here. -.-;;;  
NoName-chan: I'M GETTING TO THAT, SHEESH. Anyway, recently, people have started requesting stories from me! :D  
Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Tyki: *Expressions of horror* WHY IN THE HELL WOULD THEY DO THAT?! e.e  
NoName-chan: *hits Allen, Kanda, Lavi, and Tyki over the heads with my CrackFic Shovel* Because I'm legit, now shut the hell up~ Anyway, I'm gotten 3 requests so far. A request for a LaviYuu OneShot from CreepyNick1 (I'M WRITING IT, I PROMISE!), a request for a multichapter Laven fic from Vira-  
Vira: I DIDN'T REQUEST THAT! THAT WAS YOUR IDEA!  
NoName-chan: Yeah, but I wasn't actually going to write it. However, YOU want me to write it and you'll probably kill me if I don't, so yeah, it's happening.  
Vira: -3-  
NoName-chan: Anyway, and a request for a "Dear FFN Writers and Readers" story from lala32903. And that, *grins and gestures to all of this* Is what this is~! A collection of letters from the DGM characters to you guys about your stories!  
Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Tyki: *pale* We're gonna die.  
Lenalee: Nah, we'll probably just have our egos die. No biggie.  
NoName-chan: Exactly~! Anyway, before I start this off I wanna say that this story is dedicated to lala32903, since she gave me the idea to write it in the first place~! Also, I wanna go ahead and get this cleared up now: THIS IS CRACK. It is NOT meant to be taken seriously in any way, so please do not be offended by all the character bashing I do. I DO NOT MEAN IT. IT IS A JOKE. 'Kay? 'Kay. Alright, Now that I've produced a ridiculously long Author Note, let's get this thing rolling with Allen's letter to the people of FFN~! Vira-chan? Mind doing the Disclaimer?  
Vira: *Throws glitter at everyone* NoName-chan doesn't own SHEIT~!**

* * *

Dear FFN People,

Hello. As you probably know, I'm Allen Walker. I'm writing this letter because I have taken the time to read some of your many FanFictions. I won't lie, I enjoyed a great many of them. However, I've noticed a few common trends relating to stories about me that I find rather disagreeable. So I have decided to voice a few of my concerns:

1) I am not a girl!

I've noticed that there are a lot of Fem!Allen stories on FFN. Why do you people seem so intent on making me a girl? I'm not feminine! I'm just as manly as the next guy- Lavi? Lenalee? Bookman? Why are you guys laughing?

2) I do NOT like Kanda!

Where are all these Yullen ideas coming from? (Lavi: *innocent whistle*) BaKanda's an asshole! Plus, who said I was gay? I know I never said I was! (Lavi: You never said you WEREN'T, either~) And even if I was, (Lavi: Case and Point!) I could do WAY better than that PMSing She-Male! (Kanda: YOU LITTLE-) (Lavi: *Laughs his ass off*) So why would I go for HIM? (Lenalee: Because he has a big-) (NoName-chan: *slaps a hand over Lenalee's mouth* LANGUAGE!)

3) Yeah, again- I am NOT a girl!

I still don't understand where this accusation is coming from! I'm CLEARLY male! (Reever: *Looks Allen up and down skeptically* I dunno...)

4) I am NOT an Uke!

Why does everyone think I'm a bottom? (Lavi: So you admit you're gay! HA!) I could EASILY top! (NoName-chan, Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee, Komui, Reever, Bookman: ... BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! X'D) STOP LAUGHING! I'M A SEME! (NoName-chan: Allen, I am topping more guys than you. You might wanna drop this topic while you still have some dignity left.) (Kanda: *SNORT* You say that like he ever had any to begin with...)

5) I AM NOT A GIRL!

I am male! 100% masculine! XY chromosomes! MALE! (Kanda: Oh really? Then how do you explain your incredibly pointy chest?) I'M IN SHAPE! (Lenalee: Allen, I have been staring at muscular guys for years-) (Komui: WHAT?!) (Lenalee: -and I know that pecks are NOT that pointy!) (Tyki: Yeah, plus I have seen you in ballet tights before-) (Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee, Komui, Reever, Bookman: WHAT? O.o) (Tyki: And there is NOTHING down there!) (Lenalee: Then that proves it! Allen is a girl!) I AM NOT! (Kanda, Lenalee, Komui, Reever, Bookman, Tyki: ARE TOO!) AM NOT! (Kanda, Lenalee, Komui, Reever, Bookman, Tyki: ARE TOO!) (Road: GUYS, GUYS! I have molested Allen more times than I can count, and he is a guy!) THANK YOU- (Road: He just has a small dick!) ... WHAT?! (Lenalee: *looks at NoName-chan* Why didn't you yell at HER for language? O.o) (NoName-chan: 'Cause I'm hot and I do what I want.) (Lavi: *Laughing his ass off at all of this*) (Tyki: I wonder why Allen keeps letting us write all these notes….) SHUT UP, TYKI! AND HOW DID YOU GUYS GET SO OFF TOPIC? I'M STILL SEETHING OVER WHAT ROAD SAID! (Road: What? It's true! Plus, you-)

Alright, I think I should end this letter here! Anyway, FFN people, please consider what I've said and don't assume such things anymore! (NoName-chan: *SNORT* After this letter, I think they're just assuming this stuff even more!)

Sincerely,

Allen Walker

P.S. Did I mention that I'm not a girl? (Everybody: ALLEN!) Alright, alright! Sheesh...

**NoName-chan: And we're one letter down~! What'd you guys think?  
Allen: *Gapes in horror at letter* WHAT... THE HELL...  
Lavi: *Laughing his ass off* I thought it was perfect~! XD  
Kanda: ... *chuckles quietly at the letter*  
Lenalee: Why was I censored but not Road...?  
Tyki: When did I see Allen in ballet tig- OH, I REMEMBER NOW! When I went in Lulubell's room to ask her why Jasdero had a fork stuck in his eye and Allen was in her bathtub and-  
Allen: *slaps a hand over Tyki's mouth* SHUT UP!  
Vira, Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee: o.O  
NoName-chan: ... Anyway, what do you guys think? Should I continue this? Whose letter should I write next? Please Review and let me know~! Now, by-  
Lenalee: Wait, didn't you say you were going to explain about some FFN Facebook Chat in the StartNote...?  
NoName-chan: *memory clicks* OH YEAH! Yeah, some of us FFN Fangirls are in a Group Chat on FB! I just wanted to tell you guys so that if anybody wants to join and be batshit crazy with us, you can just PM me and I'll make arrangements! ^.^ After all, *gestures to Vira* She's in it, too!  
Vira: ... Am I here for advertising?...  
NoName-chan: ... Maybe... o_o  
Vira: *sighs* Whatever, I'm outta here. Come on, Tyki~! *Grabs Tyki and disappears in another cloud of glitter and Tease*  
Allen, Kanda, Lavi, Lenalee: O_O  
Allen: OH MY GOD, THEY STOLE TYKI!  
Lavi: YOU BASTARDS!  
NoName-chan: ... Well, shit. Anyway, now that Vira has disappeared with Tyki, we should probably end this thing. 'Til (possibly) next time~!**


End file.
